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Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Eighteen
Twenty
Twenties
Girl
Children
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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
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Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
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It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
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Ain't fit for man nor beast
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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
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A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
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You can't cheat an honest man.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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