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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Sex
Necessary
Dies
Without

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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
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The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
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I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
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Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
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I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town.
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