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Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Buried
Died
Wife
More quotes by W. C. Fields
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
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I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
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The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
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I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
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