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Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Buried
Died
Wife
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Ain't fit for man nor beast
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
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I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
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If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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