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Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Wife
Buried
Died

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
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Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
W. C. Fields
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
W. C. Fields
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
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Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. Fields
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. Fields
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The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
W. C. Fields
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If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
W. C. Fields
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I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
W. C. Fields
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. Fields