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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Neck
Necks
Woman
Pain
Without
Men
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More quotes by W. C. Fields

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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. Fields
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Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
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Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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I have a poor memory for names but I seldom remember a face.
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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. Fields
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
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Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
W. C. Fields
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. Fields
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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
W. C. Fields
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The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!
W. C. Fields
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
W. C. Fields