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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Pain
Without
Men
Like
Neck
Necks
Woman

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I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.
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I have a poor memory for names but I seldom remember a face.
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The best thing to break is a contract.
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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I like children - fried.
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
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