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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Neck
Necks
Woman
Pain
Without
Men
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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Ain't fit for man nor beast
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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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I always made up my own acts built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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