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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Saloon
Saloons
Live
Life
More quotes by W. C. Fields
All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
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If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
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So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.
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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
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I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
W. C. Fields
