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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Saloon
Saloons
Live
Life

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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
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I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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You can't cheat an honest man.
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
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I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
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