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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Saloon
Saloons
Live
Life

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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
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The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
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California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
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