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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Saloon
Saloons
Live
Life

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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
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I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
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I can do anything I want to do!
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You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
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Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
W. C. Fields
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I'm searching for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
W. C. Fields