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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Saloon
Saloons
Live
Life

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I have been in the entertainment business some forty-three years, and I have never said anything detrimental or anything that might be construed as belittling any race or religion. I would be a sucker to do so because you can't insult the customers.
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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
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Some people are born losers others acquire the knack gradually.
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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
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My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
W. C. Fields
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields
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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
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Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!
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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
W. C. Fields
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How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. Fields
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
W. C. Fields
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
W. C. Fields
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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
W. C. Fields
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I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
W. C. Fields
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
W. C. Fields