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Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Destroy
Tried
Evidence
Succeed
Fact
Facts
Trying
Till
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
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There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
W. C. Fields
After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
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Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
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I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. Fields
All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
W. C. Fields
I'm looking for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. Fields
I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
W. C. Fields
