Quote

Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Succeed
Fact
Facts
Trying
Till
Destroy
Tried
Evidence

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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The best thing to break is a contract.
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I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
W. C. Fields
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
W. C. Fields
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
W. C. Fields
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If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. Fields
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
W. C. Fields
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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
W. C. Fields
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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
W. C. Fields
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. Fields
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
W. C. Fields
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I have a poor memory for names but I seldom remember a face.
W. C. Fields
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I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
W. C. Fields
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The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.
W. C. Fields
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
W. C. Fields