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Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Tried
Evidence
Succeed
Fact
Facts
Trying
Till
Destroy
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
W. C. Fields
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. Fields
The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
W. C. Fields
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
W. C. Fields
I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. Fields
I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
W. C. Fields
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. Fields
It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. Fields
I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
W. C. Fields
I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
W. C. Fields
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
W. C. Fields
I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields
I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
W. C. Fields
You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
W. C. Fields
