Quote

Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Better
Leprosy
Marriage
Easier

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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
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I can do anything I want to do!
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Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
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I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
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California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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