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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Easier
Better
Leprosy
Marriage
More quotes by W. C. Fields
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
W. C. Fields
I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
W. C. Fields
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. Fields
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. Fields
Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
W. C. Fields
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. Fields
I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
W. C. Fields
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. Fields
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. Fields
In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town.
W. C. Fields
If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
W. C. Fields
I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields
Some people are born losers others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. Fields
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
W. C. Fields
I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
W. C. Fields
A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
W. C. Fields
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. Fields
