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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Leprosy
Marriage
Easier
Better
More quotes by W. C. Fields
The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
W. C. Fields
Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
W. C. Fields
I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
W. C. Fields
Some people are born losers others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. Fields
A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
W. C. Fields
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. Fields
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. Fields
Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
W. C. Fields
Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. Fields
Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
W. C. Fields
My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
W. C. Fields
There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
W. C. Fields
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. Fields
Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
W. C. Fields
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
W. C. Fields
I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
W. C. Fields
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. Fields
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. Fields
I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields
