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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Easier
Better
Leprosy
Marriage

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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
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The best thing to break is a contract.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
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I drink therefore I am.
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How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
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I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
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