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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Leprosy
Marriage
Easier
Better

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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
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I like children - fried.
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
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Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
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I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
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I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
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