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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Easier
Better
Leprosy
Marriage
More quotes by W. C. Fields
The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
W. C. Fields
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. Fields
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. Fields
Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
W. C. Fields
I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
W. C. Fields
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. Fields
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. Fields
I have been in the entertainment business some forty-three years, and I have never said anything detrimental or anything that might be construed as belittling any race or religion. I would be a sucker to do so because you can't insult the customers.
W. C. Fields
Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. Fields
I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. Fields
No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
W. C. Fields
There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
W. C. Fields
Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
W. C. Fields
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. Fields
Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
W. C. Fields
I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
W. C. Fields
You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
W. C. Fields
The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
W. C. Fields
The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
W. C. Fields
