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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Jobs
Reason
Eternally
Drive
Grateful
Drink
Humor
Funny

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
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Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
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It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
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The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!
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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
W. C. Fields
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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
W. C. Fields
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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
W. C. Fields