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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Funniest
Comedian
Thing
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. Fields
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
W. C. Fields
The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
W. C. Fields
Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
W. C. Fields
Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
W. C. Fields
Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
W. C. Fields
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. Fields
I have a poor memory for names but I seldom remember a face.
W. C. Fields
Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
W. C. Fields
I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
W. C. Fields
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. Fields
I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
W. C. Fields
I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. Fields
What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
W. C. Fields
Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
W. C. Fields
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. Fields
After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
W. C. Fields
I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
W. C. Fields
