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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Thing
Funniest
Comedian

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. Fields
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
W. C. Fields
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I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. Fields
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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
W. C. Fields
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If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
W. C. Fields
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. Fields
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
W. C. Fields
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
W. C. Fields
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Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
W. C. Fields
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I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
W. C. Fields
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
W. C. Fields
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I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
W. C. Fields
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. Fields
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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
W. C. Fields
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
W. C. Fields
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. Fields
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
W. C. Fields
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. Fields
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You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
W. C. Fields
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The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!
W. C. Fields