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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Thing
Funniest
Comedian
More quotes by W. C. Fields
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. Fields
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. Fields
Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
W. C. Fields
Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
W. C. Fields
When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
W. C. Fields
If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
W. C. Fields
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
W. C. Fields
I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. Fields
I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
W. C. Fields
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. Fields
Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
W. C. Fields
I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
W. C. Fields
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
W. C. Fields
There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. Fields
It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
W. C. Fields
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. Fields
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
W. C. Fields
Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
W. C. Fields
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. Fields
