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I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Friends
Backward
Human
Trees
Stewed
Humans
Forward
Tattooed
People
Tree
Swinging
Days
Fried
Since
Claiming
Race
Screwed
Gone
Apes
More quotes by W. C. Fields
So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.
W. C. Fields
I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
W. C. Fields
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
W. C. Fields
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. Fields
Happiness means quiet nerves.
W. C. Fields
I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. Fields
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. Fields
Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
W. C. Fields
Never work with animals or children.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. Fields
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. Fields
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
W. C. Fields
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. Fields
