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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Knives
Boxes
Balls
Income
Taxes
Anything
Thing
Juggle
Never
Cigar
More quotes by W. C. Fields
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. Fields
Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. Fields
A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
W. C. Fields
I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. Fields
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
W. C. Fields
I'm looking for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
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A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
W. C. Fields
It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
W. C. Fields
I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
W. C. Fields
You can't cheat an honest man.
W. C. Fields
I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
W. C. Fields
The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
W. C. Fields
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. Fields
I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
W. C. Fields
Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
W. C. Fields
