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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Taxes
Anything
Thing
Juggle
Never
Cigar
Knives
Boxes
Balls
Income
More quotes by W. C. Fields
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
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Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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Some people are born losers others acquire the knack gradually.
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
W. C. Fields
The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
W. C. Fields
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
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The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
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I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
W. C. Fields
The best thing to break is a contract.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
W. C. Fields
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. Fields
I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
W. C. Fields