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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Balls
Income
Taxes
Anything
Thing
Juggle
Never
Cigar
Knives
Boxes

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
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Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
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I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
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I never met a kid I liked.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
W. C. Fields
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
W. C. Fields
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. Fields
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I like children - fried.
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
W. C. Fields