Quote

I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Make
Ten
Hour
Game
Stranded
Within
Shell
Games
Shells
Hours
Cents
United
Town
States
Towns

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You can't cheat an honest man.
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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I have a poor memory for names but I seldom remember a face.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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I'm looking for loopholes.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
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I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
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Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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