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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
United
Town
States
Towns
Make
Ten
Hour
Game
Stranded
Within
Shell
Games
Shells
Hours
Cents
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
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Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
W. C. Fields
I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
W. C. Fields
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
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My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
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I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
W. C. Fields
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. Fields
Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. Fields
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
W. C. Fields
