Quote

Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Left
Screws
Right
Naive
Giving
Legal
Even
Establishment
Gives
Middle
Though
Unethical
Business
Screw

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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
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If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
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It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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Ain't fit for man nor beast
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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
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I have a poor memory for names but I seldom remember a face.
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A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
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