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I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Food
Seen
Water
Way
Rusts
Pipes
Rust
Pipe
Drink

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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
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I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
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If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
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I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
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