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I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Rust
Pipe
Drink
Food
Seen
Water
Way
Rusts
Pipes

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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
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Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!
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The best thing to break is a contract.
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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