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It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Fair
Impossible
Justice
Find
Men
World
Twelve
Fairs
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
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I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
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The best thing to break is a contract.
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It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
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My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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I always made up my own acts built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.
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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. Fields
