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It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Men
World
Twelve
Fairs
Fair
Impossible
Justice
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More quotes by W. C. Fields
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
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I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.
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I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. Fields
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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Some people are born losers others acquire the knack gradually.
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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
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When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
W. C. Fields
