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It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Justice
Find
Men
World
Twelve
Fairs
Fair
Impossible
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
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The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
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I like children. If they're properly cooked.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
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I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
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