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It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Justice
Find
Men
World
Twelve
Fairs
Fair
Impossible
More quotes by W. C. Fields
All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
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I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
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I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
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I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
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It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
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California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
W. C. Fields
