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It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Twelve
Fairs
Fair
Impossible
Justice
Find
Men
World
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. Fields
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
W. C. Fields
Ain't fit for man nor beast
W. C. Fields
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. Fields
W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
W. C. Fields
Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
W. C. Fields
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
W. C. Fields
The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. Fields
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
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Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
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How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
W. C. Fields
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. Fields
Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
W. C. Fields
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. Fields
I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
W. C. Fields
The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
W. C. Fields
