Quote

Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.

W. C. Fields

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Might
Suspects
Matter
Count
Fingers
Aren
Advice
Forget
Deductible
Money
Items
Best
Suspect

More quotes by W. C. Fields

Image
Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
W. C. Fields
Image
Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
W. C. Fields
Image
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
W. C. Fields
Image
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. Fields
Image
First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
W. C. Fields
Image
If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
W. C. Fields
Image
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. Fields
Image
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
W. C. Fields
Image
Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
W. C. Fields
Image
There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
W. C. Fields
Image
If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
W. C. Fields
Image
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
W. C. Fields
Image
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. Fields
Image
All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
W. C. Fields
Image
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. Fields
Image
I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
W. C. Fields
Image
I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. Fields
Image
I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
W. C. Fields
Image
Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
W. C. Fields
Image
I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
W. C. Fields