Quote

Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Aren
Advice
Forget
Deductible
Money
Items
Best
Suspect
Might
Suspects
Matter
Count
Fingers

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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
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I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
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I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
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The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!
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I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
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