Quote

Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Matter
Count
Fingers
Aren
Advice
Forget
Deductible
Money
Items
Best
Suspect
Might
Suspects

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If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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I can do anything I want to do!
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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
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The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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