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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Smoked
Cigar
Nine
Never
Life
More quotes by W. C. Fields
There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
W. C. Fields
How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
W. C. Fields
Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
W. C. Fields
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. Fields
I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
W. C. Fields
In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town.
W. C. Fields
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
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Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
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I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
W. C. Fields
I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
W. C. Fields
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. Fields
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. Fields
I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
W. C. Fields
Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
W. C. Fields
Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
W. C. Fields