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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Lasted
Twenty
Drunk
Twenties
Three
Years
Life
More quotes by W. C. Fields
When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!
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If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
W. C. Fields
All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
W. C. Fields
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. Fields
Some people are born losers others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. Fields
To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
W. C. Fields
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. Fields
The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
W. C. Fields
A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
W. C. Fields
