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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Twenties
Three
Years
Life
Lasted
Twenty
Drunk

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
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I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
W. C. Fields
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I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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You can't cheat an honest man.
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
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I drink therefore I am.
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I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
W. C. Fields
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I like children. If they're properly cooked.
W. C. Fields
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. Fields
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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
W. C. Fields