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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Lasted
Twenty
Drunk
Twenties
Three
Years
Life

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
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How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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I like children - fried.
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If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
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Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
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The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
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I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
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I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
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When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
W. C. Fields
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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
W. C. Fields