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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Life
Lasted
Twenty
Drunk
Twenties
Three
Years
More quotes by W. C. Fields
There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
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I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. Fields
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
W. C. Fields
