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When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Another
Borrow
Lawyer
Asked
Says
Money
More quotes by W. C. Fields
The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
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If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
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Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
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The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
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The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
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I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
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