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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Indecisive
Indecision
Sure
Used
More quotes by W. C. Fields
You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
W. C. Fields
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
W. C. Fields
Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
W. C. Fields
The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
W. C. Fields
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. Fields
The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
W. C. Fields
I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
W. C. Fields
I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.
W. C. Fields
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. Fields
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. Fields
The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
W. C. Fields
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields
I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
W. C. Fields
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. Fields
I always made up my own acts built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.
W. C. Fields
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. Fields
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
W. C. Fields
I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. Fields
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. Fields
