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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Clever
Smart
Anybody
Drink
Funny
Alcoholic
Drinks
Alcoholics
More quotes by W. C. Fields
A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
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The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
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You can't cheat an honest man.
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
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I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
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Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
W. C. Fields
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. Fields
Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
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