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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Alcoholic
Drinks
Alcoholics
Clever
Smart
Anybody
Drink
Funny

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
W. C. Fields
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
W. C. Fields
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All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
W. C. Fields
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I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
W. C. Fields
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
W. C. Fields
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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
W. C. Fields
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. Fields
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
W. C. Fields
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Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
W. C. Fields
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
W. C. Fields
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. Fields
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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
W. C. Fields