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Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Bert
Funniest
Williams
Saddest
Saws
Knew
Ever
Men
More quotes by W. C. Fields
The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
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I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.
W. C. Fields
Ain't fit for man nor beast
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. Fields
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
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I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
W. C. Fields
