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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Needs
Wood
Way
Judged
Life
Woods
Nation
Return
Amount
Colonial
Wife
Split
Nations
Splits
More quotes by W. C. Fields
When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
W. C. Fields
I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
W. C. Fields
Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
W. C. Fields
Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
W. C. Fields
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. Fields
I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
W. C. Fields
So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.
W. C. Fields
Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. Fields
Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
W. C. Fields
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
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The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
W. C. Fields
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields
I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
W. C. Fields
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. Fields
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. Fields
