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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Return
Amount
Colonial
Wife
Split
Nations
Splits
Needs
Wood
Way
Judged
Life
Woods
Nation
More quotes by W. C. Fields
It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
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Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
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Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
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I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
W. C. Fields
