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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Meet
Undertakers
Undertaker
Wink
Doctors

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I drink therefore I am.
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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
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I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
W. C. Fields
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
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I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
W. C. Fields
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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. Fields
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
W. C. Fields