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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Undertakers
Undertaker
Wink
Doctors
Meet

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
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A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
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I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
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I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
W. C. Fields
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
W. C. Fields