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Happiness means quiet nerves.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Nerves
Quiet
Happiness
Means
Mean
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.
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I drink therefore I am.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
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In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
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Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
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I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields
