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Happiness means quiet nerves.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Happiness
Means
Mean
Nerves
Quiet

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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
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Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
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Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
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I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
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What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
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I like children - fried.
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